Fallouts. Sucks all the happiness in your life into a pitch dark wormhole then splatters sadness all over your face. That's how I feel about losing a friend. At the end of relationships, I don't feel a need to cry (so far), but I still do, just not as much as when I lose a friend. Because to my friends, I don't feel the need for a stonewall of pride and dignity. I just feel like I'm gonna die without them. I cry like someone is ripping me apart.
It hurts so much. So why haven't I made up with two people I cut out of my life at the beginning of this year? Because it's gonna hurt me more seeing their faces as friends, ever again. I can honestly say, I gave them all the friendship I had. Therefore, I regret nothing. The main reason why it is, how it is, is because I felt insulted by how they treated me as a friend.
Was I not good enough for some truth face to face? Did I really have to find out through a Facebook status? Did you really have to put me on the spot, either way, to accommodate your feelings, as well as the people I consider nothing less than family? Do you ever stop to think how I'd feel when you did that? Did you really talk about me behind my back when face to face we were the bestest friends in the world? DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO BITCHY?! And did you really think a simple friend request would put a band-aid on my shattered, salted and smoked, heart?!
I think about you everyday. I pick up the phone and feel weird when my inbox is filled with messages from anyone but you. I miss our friendship. But it hurts me so much. To think for a second that maybe I've been betrayed by the people I loved. The fight we had was no where near as bad as what I felt when I heard you bitched about me. I thought that was where a line would always exist... I thought our friendship meant I was that line. I wish you could tell me otherwise.
those days were great
the smiles were real
but i think it's too late
to tell me what you feel
the fights were pointless
i admitted, from day one
but i also said
no matter what, i'm done
you crossed a line
one i cannot forget
a pain, one of a kind
actions and words to regret
it's never easy to apologise
forgiving is one and the same
don't you think i'd die a little inside
everytime i heard your name
it's a choice i forcefully chose
inflicting pain on myself
cuz those i thought were close
turned out to be something else
you hurt me, you hurt me bad
by what and how you did it
i was distraughtly shattered
i just couldn't believe it
they are little things
that grow big when sought
did you stop and think
of what i would have thought
i now hear words of longing
sent from you, my way
that i should be forgiving
is that how things will be okay?
have you ever thought about
love being a two way road?
cuz i've had my doubts
hearing about things you never showed
i cannot emphasize enough
how much this has scarred me
i know love can be rough
but this just cannot be
i never said that i was clean
of faults, of responsibility
but i was never feign
in words, actions or speech
i gave you all i had
everything i thought you deserved
that makes me a little more sad
to see what i got in return
even if i left it behind
and go back to the life we had
it'll always be in the back of my mind
it will drive me mad
long the memory
not the person
just let me be
a simple life lesson
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