Lead Me.

How many romances have bloomed upon the dancefloor? How many have ended there? It can be the most wonderful place to lose yourself... in the music, in the moment. Where it can truely be just the two people and everyone else is just a blur. 

It is there that I truely fell for him. It is there that I'll always remember him. It is there that we'll never be again.

it only takes a pair

to fill a dancefloor

for applause to fill the air

for uncertainty to turn assured


one step forward

leads one step back

bringing two, clustered

and us on the right track


we may stumble at times

not every step can be perfect

but knowing we’ll be fine

makes every step worth it


my world can be spun

out of complete control

but i know you’ll be the one

to catch me when it’s time to fall


i know we felt like one

in that very moment

and to that very song

the rest of the world was silenced


but when the music stopped

the feelings didn’t do the same

and how i’d hoped

we’d dance that dance again


but it’ll never happened

for reality has resumed

we have finally awakened

from that dream, that illusion

don't give up, just because of the downs.

Ah... nothing beats the emotions of the beginning of potential love... The excitement, the chase, the guessing, the nerves... the memories to-be. The chance and possibilities of a happily ever after. No matter how many times I fall or my heart gets shattered. I'd never want to give up on love for these reasons. And of course because right now, I feel very hopeful with this guy :)

In short... he makes me smile... :D

catching your gaze

from across the room

sending me into a daze

my heart starts to bloom

smiling and laughing

at your every move

singing and dancing

but always looking at you

a hug out of no where

sends my heart beating fast

i would've fainted, i swear

if i knew it'd forever last

words, that'd mean the world

to me, to my emotions

from your lips, they unfurled

just part of conversation


but no matter there
cuz i have no expectations
just living in the moment here
with you in this revelation


step by step is what we'll take
to get from here to there
and it will be what we make
that we'll keep, love and care


just smile with me now
and cheer the night away
don't think of the downs
cuz it'll always be okay

Manipulative, Selfish, Ass!

There are many ways to learn a life lesson. Regretfully, most people learn it the hard way, by direct experience. There are equal chances of meeting a good person and a bad one. But the bad ones always stun me with their lack of consideration for everyone else. 

I don't hate a lot of things in this world but those people must be in the top 2. The other would be the same people with additional traits such as: manipulative, scheming, conniving... etc. Those that calculate their every move in life to benefit themselves. Those that I wish to never come into contact with. Those that I wish nothing good for. Those like him.

manipulation is your game

to get whatever you want

you never lose, only gain

nothing you won't or can't

you had me in your grasp

you had complete control

but how long did it last?

before the end of the lull

did you think it was right?

to treat me as you did

did you think i wouldn't fight?

don't treat me like a kid

you are unbelievable

a dark, cold nightmare

treating me like a tool

didn't you even care?

i can't get my head

around who you really are

the lies you gracefully fed

you left me... scarred

i depise your ways

your lack in consideration

for you, it'll sure be okay

be what of me, from your actions?

i should've seen the signs

i should've seen it all

you really are one of that kind

who just wants me to fall

but you don't need to wait

before you're able to see

how i've changed my fate

to what i choose it to be

you're smiling now

you think i'm crushed

but you'll be wowed

by what you've lost!

you'd have nothing to gain

you would lose it all

that's when i'd call 'game'

when you'd finally fall

but i am not like you

i have a heart and conscience

i don't treat everyone like fools

that is why you'll see no vengeance

just 'live' your days out

the way you came in

confident and without

a care beneath your skin

you'll do just fine

or maybe you won't

either way i don't mind

what you do or don't

initiative. persistence. success.

A person can only be so patient. We can only wait for so long. It doesn't matter if you've set a date two weeks from now, if you plan to ignore them til the day, then that date may not even happen. A lot can happen in a short amount of time. If you become complacent... Then it's all over.

Don't waste time. Don't sit around waiting. Don't take what you get given. DO it all yourself! In the end it really only comes down to you, and you only. 

maybe it's better

to move away

from this weather

to a sunny day

rain may bring more fish

but shine bring more smiles

i just want to feel the bliss

of having something worthwhile

maybe i move too quickly

or maybe you're just too slow

but you must move swiftly

if you don't want me to go

a life is only blessed

with so much time

just stand up and confess

what's been on your mind

you may think i did wrong

but at least i'm not standing still

instead of being strung along

i stepped up and kept with my will

the song is telling us to dance

be a man, ask for the honour
if you don't cherish this obvious chance
we won't have a happily ever after

trust

There is a lot of people in the world that I could consider trusting. Yet there are only a few I actually trust. Some people might interpret this as having 'trust issues' but everyone is different. Different people require different levels of understanding, respect etc. 

I make many acquaintances but from those acquaintances, only a few will become my friends. That is because I want to give myself and everyone around me a chance... but in the end I want both parties to be happy. For some, if we are looking at relationships, I might not be an ideal girl for them because I think way too much about the long term, about the future. 


But I don't like change and because I know it is inevitable, I prepare myself, I make sure to not grow attached to things that aren't going to be around for very long.

And now that I have laid it all out... it all sounds like a defence mechanism... which only brings us back to the trust issues...

So there are two points to this story, one - I have trust issues and two - I have confrontation issues toward my issues...

every word i ever write

i think through clearly

to be sure they are always right

and come from the heart so dearly

in reverse, it is the same

i take every aspect to heart

i may sound like a pain

but this really isn't hard

you only need 

to speak what you mean

and then we will see

are you really what you seem

no one is perfect

and so we make mistakes

but when everything's taken affect

sometime's sorry is just too late

more thoughts...

"If a tree were to fall in the forest, and no one heard, does it make a sound?" - I say yes. Because if someone were to die in the middle of nowhere, reality is, they still died. If a heart 'breaks' and no one heard, it's still broken...


Leaving things until it's too late, is almost human nature. We hear the warnings, but we don't actually listen. One should know when to pay attention, when to take great care and when it is just simply too late. Should, but don't.

unknown ripples

in uncharted waters

not such an issue

until it gets closer

don't take for granted

anything while it's calm

just one little glance

and you'll be in alarm

changes can occur

within a few seconds

it becomes a blur

so pay some attention

don't abuse my kindness

while it's afloat on the surface

this can turn into quite a mess

if you don't take great grace

"No one wants to be alone..." most of the time. There are times where I just want to go somewhere no one can find me. A place where I can express all of the sorrow, I may have, without question. To just cry it all out... 

i want to seek

a patch of earth

where i could weep

away the pain at heart

if only these tears

can remain in the sea

i'll never have to hear

myself sorry and weak

but even if i bury it 

beneath six feet of soil

it will still exist

despite the toil

even if i wash it away

it'll come back again

just like the waves

a difference without change

defeat.

'Taking the road less travelled' is, of course, a risk. It's not the smoothest path, but there is a chance of a better end. In modern society, it is a norm that gender roles be played in reverse. Woman working equal with men, girls asking out guys, even proposing. A girl is still a girl though. 

Despite the changes of time, a girl still likes to be 'wined and dined'... They like to be treated well, special. I've taken a shot. I've tried something new. But I'm tired. I'm done.

we are so naive

to think we've a future

to actually believe

that life can be so sure

i hate myself for falling

i hate you for being here

i hate all this aching

i hate how nothing's clear

you cannot torture me more

yet you haven't a clue

what else can i do you for?

lower more of my value?

if you feel what you say

then act it out to me

be a man and convey

what you want us to be

i'm done with this chasing

i really, truely am

i don't see this continuing

we don't have a chance


we never think far ahead

until the water is at our feet

into our homes, schools, beds

all that's left to do is to accept defeat

good to know

What is it that scares the human race? What is it that is the most powerful tool and weapon of all? Knowledge. We are always frantic and scared when we lack knowledge and intelligence. Take the swine flu for example... it isn't as fatal as the normal flu, but because we knew so little about it, it scared us. 

Just like anyone's child, I have kept secrets from my mother. But that is one feeling I can live the rest of my life without. I need her to know everything that is going on in my life because she is seriously the best guidance counsellor in the world. She knows exactly what I should do and what I shouldn't. And it always turns out better for me when I do listen.

I've been telling her half the stories about a certain event. Because of that, I've been anxious and confused about what it is I am aiming for. Now that I've told her everything and heard the feedback, I feel much better and can kind of see the big picture.

Another scenario would be about taking a chance. I would take the chance if I could kind of see the other side. And when I find out the truth, ideal or not, it relieves me of the stress and frustration.


It's just simply good to know.

don't leave me in the dark

searching for a speck of light

not knowing how easy or hard

all the what if's, maybes and mights

searching with nothing

except my intuition

just give me something

to relieve the confusion

i'm scared more than ever now

i just simply don't know

where, what, when or how

what to do, where to go

air is failing to reach my lungs

my skin, drenched in liquid beads

 my head pounding like a drum

i can barely stand upon my feet

Back to Square One

Ever felt like you walked a long, long way just to end up at the beginning? Going round and round in circles and just getting nowhere? That's how I'm feeling. Life this year has opened my eyes so much. Just one blink and the world has changed again. But I'm still in the same place. I'm still here.

It takes a lot of courage to pursue something or someone. And I must say even with my confidence and humour with friends and family, I am not the same when I set my mind to a certain someone. 

But once I step up and see the entire view... I feel like backing down and attempt to look for a new path. As soon as I can see a glimpse of what the future might look like, I run... I never want to know. I want to live in the moment. But I can't help but think about things I shouldn't be thinking about...

My mind overflows with potential outcomes and processes and I just wipe it clean and then start all over again...

my mind is blank

i've got no aim

i don't understand

i don't have pain

i don't have directions

knowledge of where to go

no set destination

no path, no road

i'm a blank slate

i've no expectations

i've nothing to await

truly without motivation

all that i've known

are now cleared away

mind and body, all alone

'living' day by day

turning left and right

just to end up here

aiming for a light

that isn't even clear

what am i to do

what will be better

what am i to choose

what are my choices

unsure, uncertain

unlikely to pull through

a chance of a million

that i won't fail you

Best Long-Distant Relationship!

So, off the topic of guys for a while cuz my craziest, most beautiful girls are on their way HERE!! These two girls mean the world to me! They are truely family!

Danni && Dilek

2010

They were here around New Years and I can't believe it's been 7 months already... now they are back again :) I feel really, really happy but at the same time kinda annoyed at myself that I don't come and visit them like they visit me.

It's been 3 and a half years since I left Shepparton and parted from these girls... But our friendship hasn't faded a single day. Honestly, I think this is the best long-distant relationship in the history of the world!

Danni & Mong & Dilek

2007

We all only just started hanging out at the beginning of year 9 and I left at the end of that year but the friendship was is strong! I could honestly sit here all week and write about the good memories we've had (red bull and a webcam = crazy!), but I think I'm gonna go and prepare for the new ones we're about to have...

I love you girls!!

xoxox

heaven on earth

A dream can be endless, but it only takes a moment to wake up. Yeah I've snapped back into reality... And found that it isn't so bad after all. So, you win some, you lose some. Although, I'm thinking this loss might not be so great compared to what it is I am to gain... Sound like a fortune cookie? I can only hope!

smiles and laughs, are free

joy and bliss, are boundless

even in some cases of cruel reality

you can find this brightness

he's not the one but he is a start

my prince may take a few more miles

to get to this place, to get to my heart

but in the end i'll shine a great smile

you know it and i do too

nothing can stop what is to come

i'll wait for my turn, stand in the queue

and when i get there, there'll be the one

and one day, i will tell this in reverse

of how i met this perfect person

of the better and the worse

of how they made earth, heaven

playing it cool.. almost cold actually.. -.-

Soo... my bad-ass brick actually floats! Leading to me giving in on the repressing-those-feelings deal.. so what's a girl to do? Well, my emotions have betrayed me but I still got another plan. This is probably plan D now... 

My heart can beat as fast as it wants, legs can weaken BUT my facial expression ain't changing the slightest! Keeping the straight face, casual walk, smile, wave... "Wasssup?!" and that's a **NoooOOOoOoOooOOooOOoO!!!**

The possible thoughts going through his head:

a) *she's a little too happy... weirdo*

b) *oh so we're just friends... I get it*

c) *smile, wave... RUN!!*

d) all of the above.

OK so off to plan E because I've got no more confidence in plan D -.- ... And that is to stop planning! There's just too much in this world that cannot be anticipated... All I can do is bring my A game in any scenario, whether this be in friendship or relationship; I'll do my best!

my heart pounding

a million times more fast

when he's just standing

or just sitting there in class

i put on a confident smile

wave, and turn around

acting calm, all the while

hoping my secret hasn't been found

i can't act or illude

i can't hide or disguise

what i feel for you

how you look in my eyes

i love the chase

but i hate reality

what i've got to face

what's really meant to be

potential to fail

So, easier said than done. I'm not able to just forget something because its too hard and confusing to let it exist in my mind. Though there are a lot of things I don't want to think about, now and in the past, this has got to be one of the toughest cases.

I like to day-dream, dream in that little space of time between hopping into bed and falling asleep, and of course the usual sleep-dreams because they are unpredictably amazing. I think of all the 'what ifs'... What if I hadn't done this or what if that person had done that... What if my assumptions are true... What if the 'advice' I get to my liking are true? What if... this false hope, is more true than I thought...

I love getting advice that comes in my favour, but I try to avoid getting my hopes up. I hate being let down, especially by false hope that I feed myself. I've decided from the beginning, that despite all the frustration what exists now is too special for me to risk over a potential outcome... One that to me, that looks less and less likely as I think of it. 

I do believe, when two people are attracted to each other, there is a certain vibe between them. That is what makes it obvious between each other about their feelings... And when I can't sense it from the other person, I know they don't feel the same way. But through the encouragement of the lovely people around me and my own curiosity, I would bring it out in the open, and I tend to be unfortunately right.

This time however, it's not as clear. I think I do feel a vibe but because I don't want to get my hopes up and just frustration in general, I can't think or see straight. This time, it's just different...

whatever comes of this

i know was so from the start

that whatever that exists

was something from the heart

that look and vibe

from the first time we talked

those laughs and smiles

we shared as we walked

the short amount of time

that was able to build a friendship

one i'll always keep in mind

as so imperfectly perfect

if only i could genuinely feel

like the way you probably do

just forget the unreal

the way i feel towards you

the feelings i still hope

that you might reciprocate

that i'm not just a dope

denying the reality of fate

there's always room for you in my life

regardless what is to come

i trust in my heart and sight

you could very well be the one