simple and pure

What kind of relationship do you think you have or would have? Open? Exclusive? Are you the clingy type? Honestly I don't have enough experience to give advice or guide anyone but hearing about all the technicality everyday.. makes everyone feel like they're an expert. Can make you think twice about thinking twice, before 'making a move'..

I want that special feeling when I see a certain someone. I don't have control over it, I don't look at them up and down, then ask about their entire life story and background, to like them in that way. I just do.. I've had that feeling about twice in my life. It makes me so giddy and I don't know, just good. It makes finding a special someone simpler.. not just by going from one person to another with a crazy criteria they gotta fit... cuz the feeling says it all..

I like old-movies-love stories. I like how holding hands would be a big deal, making her happy would mean everything to him. He would defend her with his life! I want that. I want pureness. I want simplicity and its finest. But then again.. what girl doesn't..?

i want a love story
pure, from start til finish
ending; sweet and happy
with a magical kiss

keep me near
safe in your arms
make it clear
that i'll never be harmed

restrict my distance
so i can't miss you
don't allow a chance
for my conscience to choose

keep me close enough to devour
so close, attached to your heart
like a scent to a flower
til death do us part

Anzac Day

When I think of my parents for writing inspiration, my chain of thought alway leads to war. It's for a lot of reasons. It has helped me write some pieces that I'm very proud of. I wrote these in the past but I just want to put it together in one post as a tribute to Anzac Day.

I call myself an Australian. Anzac Day means a lot to me. In honour and forever in our memories, of the great number of great men, fighting to defend our country. Without their sacrifices we wouldn't be here today. I thank them, I honour them.

 

the soldier.,

birthed by fate

grew with faith

raised with might

lived with pride

life was joyful and clear

there was no fear

living day by day

love didn’t seem to fade

surrounded by simplicity

struggled with reality

drowned in ignorance

yearned for chance

pierced by burning rage

lashed out by betrayal

wounded by power

scarred the world

fought through ache

after freedom, we chased

burdened by expectations

‘til death or nothing

 

war.,

some say war is inevitable

some say it can be ceased

some say we are all capable

of finding answers to world peace

but how many can say

the name of every life

lost since ancient days

for their land, they strived

tell me the painful price

that we continue to pay on

tell the mother, daughter, or wife

their loved one, isn't coming home

tell it to the crosses

slanted in foreign grounds

tell it to the losses

that'll never be found

the past is a foundation

on which our future is built

without these recognitions

we'll always live in guilt

soldier, friend or foe

victim, young or old

war has brought us far and close

war, so much, for a blurry goal

i may not speak of every name

but my heart aches for every loss

do not treat war like a game

brave, precious lives are the cost

LEST WE FORGET

falling in and out of fallouts

Fallouts. Sucks all the happiness in your life into a pitch dark wormhole then splatters sadness all over your face. That's how I feel about losing a friend. At the end of relationships, I don't feel a need to cry (so far), but I still do, just not as much as when I lose a friend. Because to my friends, I don't feel the need for a stonewall of pride and dignity. I just feel like I'm gonna die without them. I cry like someone is ripping me apart.

It hurts so much. So why haven't I made up with two people I cut out of my life at the beginning of this year? Because it's gonna hurt me more seeing their faces as friends, ever again. I can honestly say, I gave them all the friendship I had. Therefore, I regret nothing. The main reason why it is, how it is, is because I felt insulted by how they treated me as a friend.

Was I not good enough for some truth face to face? Did I really have to find out through a Facebook status? Did you really have to put me on the spot, either way, to accommodate your feelings, as well as the people I consider nothing less than family? Do you ever stop to think how I'd feel when you did that? Did you really talk about me behind my back when face to face we were the bestest friends in the world? DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO BITCHY?! And did you really think a simple friend request would put a band-aid on my shattered, salted and smoked, heart?!

I think about you everyday. I pick up the phone and feel weird when my inbox is filled with messages from anyone but you. I miss our friendship. But it hurts me so much. To think for a second that maybe I've been betrayed by the people I loved. The fight we had was no where near as bad as what I felt when I heard you bitched about me. I thought that was where a line would always exist... I thought our friendship meant I was that line. I wish you could tell me otherwise.

those days were great

the smiles were real

but i think it's too late

to tell me what you feel

the fights were pointless

i admitted, from day one

but i also said

no matter what, i'm done

you crossed a line

one i cannot forget

a pain, one of a kind

actions and words to regret

it's never easy to apologise

forgiving is one and the same

don't you think i'd die a little inside

everytime i heard your name

it's a choice i forcefully chose

inflicting pain on myself

cuz those i thought were close

turned out to be something else

you hurt me, you hurt me bad

by what and how you did it

i was distraughtly shattered

i just couldn't believe it

they are little things

that grow big when sought

did you stop and think

of what i would have thought

i now hear words of longing

sent from you, my way

that i should be forgiving

is that how things will be okay?

have you ever thought about

love being a two way road?

cuz i've had my doubts

hearing about things you never showed

i cannot emphasize enough

how much this has scarred me

i know love can be rough

but this just cannot be

i never said that i was clean

of faults, of responsibility

but i was never feign

in words, actions or speech

i gave you all i had

everything i thought you deserved

that makes me a little more sad

to see what i got in return

even if i left it behind

and go back to the life we had

it'll always be in the back of my mind

it will drive me mad

long the memory

not the person

just let me be

a simple life lesson

time

What would I do without technology? I might be able to achieve in my academics at a higher level - I might have a more active lifestyle - I might have time. I was watching a Disney show, Sonny With A Chance, yeah I know, Disney - I love it. The point is, Demi Lovato performed a song called Me, Myself and Time. It had amazing lyrics. They were very original and the song was just really good. 

I've always thought to myself how amazing people from history are, our ancestors. They were able to build giant boats, buildings that are architecturally amazing! They were able to survive in a completely different environment. They may not have had a longer life-span than those of us today, but they did so much. Great people from probably not-so-great backgrounds doing great things, without technology. They were born with such a skillful mind. The kind of mind that we take for granted these days. The kind of mind that made history.

Even as I'm typing, I'm thinking about their great calligraphy skills that we have lost. We're slacking off because well who cares how neat our handwriting is when typing is so much easier and less time-consuming. We are losing value skills through evolution to make life better... I'm not going to live in the past and cut myself off from society but If I had a chance to go back in time and observe those great minds at work and see how people lived before technology, that would be worth more than any fortune or material object in this entire universe.

if we just let everything

become ambient and disappear

we will risk losing

everything we love so dear

don't sit and wait for the next tick

get out there and beat the tock

don't waste time by making a list

don't waste it by checking the clock

but what if we do

if we stop and look at life

at the red, green and blues

really seeing for the first time

sense all that is

around, above and beyond

while you both still exist

before it's all gone

Source of Love

Music downloading. Everyone does it. When I do, when I find a new song I like... I would put it on repeat for ages then stop listening for a while then it goes on my favourites list... (really long list)..

I remember after watching Rugrats in Paris, I absolutely loved the song I Want a Mom That'll Last Forever by Cyndi Lauper.. It played when Chuckie was looking out the window of the plane going to Paris.. It was such a touching scene. After I found the title I downloaded the song.. but.. I didn't listened to it. I still haven't. I don't want to even think about the possibility I might ever lose her. 

There's this girl I knew from high school... we were kinda friends when she first came to the school, never really liked her... when she started going out with my friend, I was cool with it.. but after the first 6 months I started getting annoyed at her. People change in relationships but I hate seeing how much she controls him.. this led to us not talking for a while... months even I think.. but I couldn't lose him and I just got over it. To be honest, I really don't remember the details or anything.. and this was just last year. 

The point is, after they broke up she started going out with this kid and it bugged the crap outta me that she was flaunting him to the world - most of all, to my friend. Skip a few chapters... I almost got suspended for cyber-bullying.. Good thing I hadn't started a blog yet... would have been way worse. I've put enough detail into this anecdote but just know that.. lines were crossed in the cyber-war.. lines that lead to personal distraught. Lines that were unknown to us. We felt terrible.. and were only sorry for that aspect.

I've always hated 'ya-mum' jokes. I would tell anyone off there and then if they started bad-mouthing anyone's mother, especially their own. No matter how much I disliked this girl, I could never say anything about her mother. No matter how much I despise people as much as the world despise Hitler, I could never, ever, ever, mention their mother within an insult.

That is the one thing that ties us together; everyone - everything. Makes us who we are. 

If you can't love your mother, you can't love anyone else. 

you probably have no idea

how much i really love you

i might not always make it clear

that there is no one above you

you are the source of who i am

i look to you for hope, love and strength

for you, i'll do what i can

even if some days, i don't go the length

i don't say or show it half the time

but i don't even need to apologise

cuz' either way you're always mine

i'm grateful you are part of my life

home..

Ever moved away from a place you loved? I have, too many times. Too many to even say which one is my favourite place.. too many to know where my home is. It has a huge upside though, it's like pressing a reset button on the panel of your life. Starting all over. You learn new and different things from new and different places.

Sometimes I get to move to a place where I've been before. You'd think the reset button doesn't really work then.. but it does.. it's like travelling through time. I'm good with that, still the same place I once loved, with different people I will love.

Moving away, part of growing up, there's a good and bad side. But thanks to Facebook and the simplicity of travelling long distances, it's easier to keep in touch. I'm going to move back to that place I once called home.. and will call it home again. I just hope the people here know how much I've given them and how much I've appreciated what they've given me. Then, I won't have any regrets.

just said i wouldn't look back

doesn't mean i'm running like the wind

i'm stepping slowly, mind staying intact

but slow and safe doesn't always take the win

sometimes moving straight head

leads you back around to the start

you can't always do as you said

just winging it, hoping it won't fall apart

i was there, then i left

i came here, now i'm leaving

but all memories are kept

in my heart, wherever i'm going

the earth keeps turning

as time keeps flying

everyone, and thing, keep living

you just gotta keep moving

if our paths cross once again

we'll both be in a different time and place

but the same to each other, depends

on me and you, on our faith

i'll let you walk, if you let me go

you'll stay in my heart despite change

but with life you just never know

no one is ever, forever, still the same

i try to stay light-hearted

but you can't help where you fall

can't count the times i've departed

without even a single call

can't say that i am sorry

because i've never had to say goodbye

i'm just at a further distance, really

we have never had to cry

young love

remember your first crush? remember that funny feeling you got every time you saw that special person? you wanted to look at them, you wanted to talk to them, but you just kept blushing and ran away... ok, maybe it was just me. 

despite having my friends tease me and constantly getting embarrassed.. i want to go back to those days. i want to reach back into my past. i want to tell that kid i like liked him.. but that isn't worth it.

i miss that little kid, but he isn't that kid anymore, and i'm not that little girl. i miss those feelings, but tampering with the past does bad things to the present.. even if you don't have a time machine.

those kinds of memories will never leave your mind. i don't remember much of my primary school days anymore.. i think my brain is just making room for new memories.. just those special short moments will never fade.

looking back into your past

sometimes feel like a mistake

things you thought would last

turns out to be all fake

puppy love is what i felt

his eyes, his lips and laugh

one look, and i would melt

and that is just the start

i'd look at you

across the playground

sometimes you did too

but i'd quickly turn around

seeing you now

after all these years

makes me ask how

did i not shed a tear

when i left without a single goodbye

when you hinted me words of bliss

when i figured out it wasn't a lie

when you didn't end up being my first kiss

wishing now, i could turn back time

regretting i didn't fall for your scheme

dreaming you could still be mine

imagining the romance extreme

do you recall a little girl?

you once blushed to see

she's grown up in a separate world

hoping, again, someday you'd meet

yet, the past is still the past

no matter how much one lingers on

it is such a tedious task

to denying someone is gone

out of my life maybe

but never from my mind

always in my memories

no matter how long the time

fighting.. for nothing?

thinking about the earlier part of my life that i don't even remember; the struggle my loved ones must've gone through for me, for us. the harsh conditions, the never-ending list of troubles.. the pain. they had no idea what was gonna happen. they  just kept trying to survive day by day.. whenever i think of these things, it leads me back to war. to conflict of the fewer, that impact the many. this piece can get a little confusing because of my train of thought.. but in the end, it's just about fighting for a better tomorrow, despite whether there will be or not..

born into a world filled with mystic

wonders of the imperfectly perfect

may not have more than just a cloth

though life and love was more than enough

   

unbelievable, the emotions we had

indescribable, the burdens we dragged

unforgettable, the battles we fought

inevitable, the end that is still sought

the fight for a new beginning

the one, everyday, we are living

the one, that has no end

attack, is just a defense

why would you care

for those that are theirs

why would you spare

someone with different hair

useless little struggles

that turn to life-size puzzles

nothing we can't live without

but will be continue, no doubt

you can ask all the questions

you can venture the harsh lessons

but you won't find an answer

one day, you'll just stop the bother

there isn't anytime to wonder

lives are lost as you sit and ponder

you gotta move before they do

move, fight, or your life, you'll lose

a soldier, carries a weapon to the field

a civilian, he's family, struggling for a meal

either victims, may not survive

but at least they know, they've tried

stupidity or nature?

past relationships, movies, songs and life; the elements of this piece. people argue in many fields whether or not human nature is a strong point to rely your reasons on. i am not sure myself but seeing people fall in the same places at different times lures my thoughts. despite me composing romantic poems, i yet to know of love. just simply emotions.. at this point in my life.

roses are red

violets are blue

like blood i have bled

like my life after you

you had me at 'hi'

then lost me at 'goodbye'

i can never understand why

when or how, was i pushed aside

you lied when you told me

i was more than a priority

you lied when you made me believe

we had a future, bright and free

why give me hope

when you know there's none

how did you think i'd cope

what have you done

stupid stupid stupid!

the words stuck in my mind

can't believe what you did

can't believe i called you mine

it's so easy to blame

others for your faults

so easy to be casted shame

when not doing what you're told

care, pity, sympathy and faith

all of good will from a kind heart

but it can lead to horrible mistakes

that will tear one's life apart

i do not think of love lightly

as it carries much weight

i don't think i even know it slightly

but it brings as much as hate

torture, strength and tears

mindless actions, guilty pleasure

all the worst of painful cheers

a wounded past, an unsure future

human nature is usually to blame

we all must fall at least once in life

people and places may not be the same

but we all gotta move on or at least try