initiative. persistence. success.

A person can only be so patient. We can only wait for so long. It doesn't matter if you've set a date two weeks from now, if you plan to ignore them til the day, then that date may not even happen. A lot can happen in a short amount of time. If you become complacent... Then it's all over.

Don't waste time. Don't sit around waiting. Don't take what you get given. DO it all yourself! In the end it really only comes down to you, and you only. 

maybe it's better

to move away

from this weather

to a sunny day

rain may bring more fish

but shine bring more smiles

i just want to feel the bliss

of having something worthwhile

maybe i move too quickly

or maybe you're just too slow

but you must move swiftly

if you don't want me to go

a life is only blessed

with so much time

just stand up and confess

what's been on your mind

you may think i did wrong

but at least i'm not standing still

instead of being strung along

i stepped up and kept with my will

the song is telling us to dance

be a man, ask for the honour
if you don't cherish this obvious chance
we won't have a happily ever after

trust

There is a lot of people in the world that I could consider trusting. Yet there are only a few I actually trust. Some people might interpret this as having 'trust issues' but everyone is different. Different people require different levels of understanding, respect etc. 

I make many acquaintances but from those acquaintances, only a few will become my friends. That is because I want to give myself and everyone around me a chance... but in the end I want both parties to be happy. For some, if we are looking at relationships, I might not be an ideal girl for them because I think way too much about the long term, about the future. 


But I don't like change and because I know it is inevitable, I prepare myself, I make sure to not grow attached to things that aren't going to be around for very long.

And now that I have laid it all out... it all sounds like a defence mechanism... which only brings us back to the trust issues...

So there are two points to this story, one - I have trust issues and two - I have confrontation issues toward my issues...

every word i ever write

i think through clearly

to be sure they are always right

and come from the heart so dearly

in reverse, it is the same

i take every aspect to heart

i may sound like a pain

but this really isn't hard

you only need 

to speak what you mean

and then we will see

are you really what you seem

no one is perfect

and so we make mistakes

but when everything's taken affect

sometime's sorry is just too late

more thoughts...

"If a tree were to fall in the forest, and no one heard, does it make a sound?" - I say yes. Because if someone were to die in the middle of nowhere, reality is, they still died. If a heart 'breaks' and no one heard, it's still broken...


Leaving things until it's too late, is almost human nature. We hear the warnings, but we don't actually listen. One should know when to pay attention, when to take great care and when it is just simply too late. Should, but don't.

unknown ripples

in uncharted waters

not such an issue

until it gets closer

don't take for granted

anything while it's calm

just one little glance

and you'll be in alarm

changes can occur

within a few seconds

it becomes a blur

so pay some attention

don't abuse my kindness

while it's afloat on the surface

this can turn into quite a mess

if you don't take great grace

"No one wants to be alone..." most of the time. There are times where I just want to go somewhere no one can find me. A place where I can express all of the sorrow, I may have, without question. To just cry it all out... 

i want to seek

a patch of earth

where i could weep

away the pain at heart

if only these tears

can remain in the sea

i'll never have to hear

myself sorry and weak

but even if i bury it 

beneath six feet of soil

it will still exist

despite the toil

even if i wash it away

it'll come back again

just like the waves

a difference without change

defeat.

'Taking the road less travelled' is, of course, a risk. It's not the smoothest path, but there is a chance of a better end. In modern society, it is a norm that gender roles be played in reverse. Woman working equal with men, girls asking out guys, even proposing. A girl is still a girl though. 

Despite the changes of time, a girl still likes to be 'wined and dined'... They like to be treated well, special. I've taken a shot. I've tried something new. But I'm tired. I'm done.

we are so naive

to think we've a future

to actually believe

that life can be so sure

i hate myself for falling

i hate you for being here

i hate all this aching

i hate how nothing's clear

you cannot torture me more

yet you haven't a clue

what else can i do you for?

lower more of my value?

if you feel what you say

then act it out to me

be a man and convey

what you want us to be

i'm done with this chasing

i really, truely am

i don't see this continuing

we don't have a chance


we never think far ahead

until the water is at our feet

into our homes, schools, beds

all that's left to do is to accept defeat

good to know

What is it that scares the human race? What is it that is the most powerful tool and weapon of all? Knowledge. We are always frantic and scared when we lack knowledge and intelligence. Take the swine flu for example... it isn't as fatal as the normal flu, but because we knew so little about it, it scared us. 

Just like anyone's child, I have kept secrets from my mother. But that is one feeling I can live the rest of my life without. I need her to know everything that is going on in my life because she is seriously the best guidance counsellor in the world. She knows exactly what I should do and what I shouldn't. And it always turns out better for me when I do listen.

I've been telling her half the stories about a certain event. Because of that, I've been anxious and confused about what it is I am aiming for. Now that I've told her everything and heard the feedback, I feel much better and can kind of see the big picture.

Another scenario would be about taking a chance. I would take the chance if I could kind of see the other side. And when I find out the truth, ideal or not, it relieves me of the stress and frustration.


It's just simply good to know.

don't leave me in the dark

searching for a speck of light

not knowing how easy or hard

all the what if's, maybes and mights

searching with nothing

except my intuition

just give me something

to relieve the confusion

i'm scared more than ever now

i just simply don't know

where, what, when or how

what to do, where to go

air is failing to reach my lungs

my skin, drenched in liquid beads

 my head pounding like a drum

i can barely stand upon my feet

the art of friendship.

One of the life quotes I have thought of and live by is: "There's always someone out there worst off than yourself, so get over it!"

Life throws some painful punches. It can come from any direction; unexpectedly. But just because you didn't see it coming, doesn't mean you can't see it leave. There is no point in sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Distract yourself - it's not denial, it can be a way of showing yourself what else you have in the world, what you are moving on to.


The latest punch toward me has felt really slow and painful. It's stuck around for the past 12 days. Though someone has done an excellent job with distracting me, they aren't around 24/7. At some point I'd think about it and feel the pain.


The source of the punch might read this. And I only want to ask, why you couldn't you leave the good memories as they are? This may have been the closure you needed but it has ruined, for me, every good memory we've ever had. 


I feel like I've been deceived. Like I'm not good enough to be a friend. Once you're done with your feelings and packed it away - I'm gone too. And I must say I don't entirely believe what you've confessed. I felt guilty towards you at first, then furious, and now, just disappointed.


I thought our friendship was one of the most genuine. But I'm wrong. I seem to be wrong about a lot of things. Especially in this area. The art of friendship.

despite our past

despite our present, our future

i thought our friendship would last

but now i'm not so sure

you aren't the person

that i once befriended

the real you have risen

since you chose this end

if only you could've
let life run its course
then that would've
not been as worse


this is never 
the ideal way to end
but you've left no other
my once-so-called friend

Wishing you the best for your future endeavours.

smiles all round :)

I just found these two verses in one of my drafts from a while back but it fits how I felt a few nights ago. When I'm dancing with my friends or anyone, I get carried away by the songs and the people. I forget how breathless I am and just keep dancing. This describes something similar to that but on a different level. 

spinning on the dance floor

no thoughts of past, future or present

just i know that i won't fall

because i can feel your presence

as we cast adrift

either on plains or at sea

as long as our grasps fit

anywhere is where i'm meant to be

From my last post, I felt like I was back to square one, but in a way I was feeling... enlightened. Getting over things. Taking a breath of fresh air. Then it all went down a completely different way than I had expected. It may seem sad to have your emotions controlled by someone else's actions... But in this case I'm pretty happy with it. 

I must say though... I have to thank my dear friend Dilek and her meddling... 'speeding things up' as she puts it. And within these next few verses, you can pretty much picture how I'm feeling now.

the right words

are all you say

nothing is blurred

yet i am in a daze


i didn't want

my heart to race

but now i can't

get this smile to fade


i see the best in you
you bring out the best in me
with you, i never lose
it feels... 'meant to be'


i don't need to sleep

because i'm living a dream
never a reason to weep
only to smile, it seems :)

Back to Square One

Ever felt like you walked a long, long way just to end up at the beginning? Going round and round in circles and just getting nowhere? That's how I'm feeling. Life this year has opened my eyes so much. Just one blink and the world has changed again. But I'm still in the same place. I'm still here.

It takes a lot of courage to pursue something or someone. And I must say even with my confidence and humour with friends and family, I am not the same when I set my mind to a certain someone. 

But once I step up and see the entire view... I feel like backing down and attempt to look for a new path. As soon as I can see a glimpse of what the future might look like, I run... I never want to know. I want to live in the moment. But I can't help but think about things I shouldn't be thinking about...

My mind overflows with potential outcomes and processes and I just wipe it clean and then start all over again...

my mind is blank

i've got no aim

i don't understand

i don't have pain

i don't have directions

knowledge of where to go

no set destination

no path, no road

i'm a blank slate

i've no expectations

i've nothing to await

truly without motivation

all that i've known

are now cleared away

mind and body, all alone

'living' day by day

turning left and right

just to end up here

aiming for a light

that isn't even clear

what am i to do

what will be better

what am i to choose

what are my choices

unsure, uncertain

unlikely to pull through

a chance of a million

that i won't fail you

recent thoughts

There really is nothing to lose in this world. People come into our lives and they leave. All that's left are memories - good and bad. It sounds depressing but what else could we do? Cling on to them and beg them not to leave? Are they worth it? 

everything changes

the end will come

it can't be rearranged

once it's been done

don't try to stop time

there is no use

you'll be just fine

nothing left to lose

you gave it all you got

now it's time to move along

the battles have been fought

stepping closer to where you belong

* * *

Risks. Which ones should be taken? People say when you make things too easy, people move on... But at the first sight of something difficult I get scared and runaway. I just want to know what are and/or who are worth taking risks...?

i hate these thoughts

and these feelings

once you're caught

there's no escaping

whatever it is

that makes this life

it's better to exist

without this strife

constantly fearing

the inevitable

constantly thinking

i'm just not capable

receiving the equally given

pursuing beyond my reach

being the exception

having what i can keep

too good to be truthful

there's a catch somewhere

just waiting for me, the fool

to desperately appear

at the first sight

of falling into a pit

i'd run far left and right

just so i won't be hit

but they say

i should take risks

always playing safe

won't be worth it

so here i am

taking a risk

prepared for harm

about to take the hit

go for your best shot

you can't take me out

worth it or not

i won't have self-doubt