Lead Me.

How many romances have bloomed upon the dancefloor? How many have ended there? It can be the most wonderful place to lose yourself... in the music, in the moment. Where it can truely be just the two people and everyone else is just a blur. 

It is there that I truely fell for him. It is there that I'll always remember him. It is there that we'll never be again.

it only takes a pair

to fill a dancefloor

for applause to fill the air

for uncertainty to turn assured


one step forward

leads one step back

bringing two, clustered

and us on the right track


we may stumble at times

not every step can be perfect

but knowing we’ll be fine

makes every step worth it


my world can be spun

out of complete control

but i know you’ll be the one

to catch me when it’s time to fall


i know we felt like one

in that very moment

and to that very song

the rest of the world was silenced


but when the music stopped

the feelings didn’t do the same

and how i’d hoped

we’d dance that dance again


but it’ll never happened

for reality has resumed

we have finally awakened

from that dream, that illusion

Sweet Memories.

Memories. It's a place in the past we sometimes go to for comfort, when the present just isn't good enough. It's also a place that holds our lives together. It can also be a place where dreams are blurred... Where the lines between the truth and the wanted become unclear. 

I've got so many great, amazing memories that I never dare to forget. My first bike, my first crush, my first Summer romance... etc. Memories of people in life. Family. Friends. Best Friends. 

The thing is, I love those memories and I cherish it so, so much. But I'd never want to relive it. This is because, nothing you do in the present can live up to a great memory; a great memory cannot be duplicated or bested. 

I've liked and admired. I've lived a dream. My Summer romances in Vietnam have been innocent and amazing. But everytime I return to Vietnam, it's never the same story, we can never pick up where we left off. Because we have two things against us, distance and time.

i'll never forget that moment

when i saw you for the first time

how our first date went

anything but smooth and fine

so young and so stupid

we couldn't say a thing

astonishing, it even started

even despite the arguing

but we lived in that moment

we didn't think about the Fall

how our time together was spent

how we could've had it all

we barely spoke a day

but what was, was enough

it all sent me into such a daze

i never felt like giving up

until i left and then came back

then realised what had happened

everything was spinning out of whack

everything. us. weakened.

but nothing hurts more 

than seeing your face

trying so hard to ignore

the fact you've been replaced

but you never even fought

was it not good enough for you?

so then everything i've thought

was it just me being a fool?

i'll never forget our memories

as i can't ever make new ones

not the same, anyway, like you and me

as the saying goes, what's done, is done

i still reminisce our days

the confession, the date

long walks at night along the bay

the calls, the fights, the wait

it may be four thousand miles

but i hope and wish you all the best

to always have a great smile

to find great love to confess

Today was one of those days that hit me like a Spring breeze!

[ Weird simile? I know... ]

All of last weekend I was just happy about the simplest thing... being able to leave my bedroom window open all day and night because the weather was just so lovely. Just that lovely fresh, flora-scented atmosphere made me think about great, Spring memories. It's just a rush of images and so on, but it was a nice moment. 

Now, back to today, I woke up to a lovely blue sky, and bright sunshine, and to the tune of my favourite song. Great start to the day? YES! I took my time getting ready because class didn't start til 10am... I planned to make fried rice for lunch but I burnt the rice... despite rushing out of the house and missing my bus, I still had a smile on my face. I thought I was going to be late but I was still early. 

The wait for the bus, the bus ride, the walk from the bus stop to Uni... everything was just so nice. I had a fun class. It was the first time this year, in class, that I laughed uncontrollably and laughed until I forgot what I was laughing about... I haven't had that kind of freedom of laughter since the end of year 12 last year.

The day continues as I made my way over to the other campus. Made it there in time to catch up with a friend and print off my essay. I then headed to my tutorial where I found one of the most happiest moments of Uni life so far. It was just the class, my friends, standing around... talking. Bags chucked on the floor - shoes off? And we were all just standing there, talking, catching up from the holidays. Class commences with a presentation that most of the class got involved in - there was a lot of laughter. 

I skipped my lecture to get food and take a break... Oh I learnt one thing, that is to never leave a bottle of Solo opened near Bonnie. She spills. All over the pile of books Anthony picked out and left there to dust... We went off to our next tutorial and I found our I got High Distinction for my presentation. That was just the icing on the cake!

It's been 2 months since my last post. This is due to a lot of reasons... My social life resumed. My academic life... never actually stopped. And my love life... scarred me a little. My emotions were therefore buried and I had no motivation or inspiration to write. Today, it came back... Just a little, but it's a start of a better beginning.

music to my ears

How many times have you listened to a song and thought... "Hey, I can relate to this, completely."? How many times have you chosen to listen to music that levels with your mood? (i.e. sad music whilst you're down.. upbeat whilst you're happy..) Why do we do that? Doesn't it remind us of what we are trying to forget? Doesn't it make us feel worse?


My hypothesis is that music has become more than an ambient audio that is called upon for special occasions and/or to distract oneself from sleep on public transport. It has become therapy. It has become a place your mind needs to go to, to repair, to vent, to confront...

the rhythm slowing my heartbeat

the lyrics mesmerising my mind
the song now on repeat

until and after i know every line


you're describing him
you're describing my life
the beat, the rhythm
it's all just right


it's leading me away
into a different world
reality starts to fade
as i begin to unfurl


exploring the alternative
the 'might have been', the chances
if i had chosen to forgive
if i had not chosen to be askance


all the problems i have faced
all written and told to myself
helping me see my mistakes
helping my emotional health


oh music to my ears
you are my best of friends
i love you oh so dear
no doubt, til the end

don't give up, just because of the downs.

Ah... nothing beats the emotions of the beginning of potential love... The excitement, the chase, the guessing, the nerves... the memories to-be. The chance and possibilities of a happily ever after. No matter how many times I fall or my heart gets shattered. I'd never want to give up on love for these reasons. And of course because right now, I feel very hopeful with this guy :)

In short... he makes me smile... :D

catching your gaze

from across the room

sending me into a daze

my heart starts to bloom

smiling and laughing

at your every move

singing and dancing

but always looking at you

a hug out of no where

sends my heart beating fast

i would've fainted, i swear

if i knew it'd forever last

words, that'd mean the world

to me, to my emotions

from your lips, they unfurled

just part of conversation


but no matter there
cuz i have no expectations
just living in the moment here
with you in this revelation


step by step is what we'll take
to get from here to there
and it will be what we make
that we'll keep, love and care


just smile with me now
and cheer the night away
don't think of the downs
cuz it'll always be okay

Manipulative, Selfish, Ass!

There are many ways to learn a life lesson. Regretfully, most people learn it the hard way, by direct experience. There are equal chances of meeting a good person and a bad one. But the bad ones always stun me with their lack of consideration for everyone else. 

I don't hate a lot of things in this world but those people must be in the top 2. The other would be the same people with additional traits such as: manipulative, scheming, conniving... etc. Those that calculate their every move in life to benefit themselves. Those that I wish to never come into contact with. Those that I wish nothing good for. Those like him.

manipulation is your game

to get whatever you want

you never lose, only gain

nothing you won't or can't

you had me in your grasp

you had complete control

but how long did it last?

before the end of the lull

did you think it was right?

to treat me as you did

did you think i wouldn't fight?

don't treat me like a kid

you are unbelievable

a dark, cold nightmare

treating me like a tool

didn't you even care?

i can't get my head

around who you really are

the lies you gracefully fed

you left me... scarred

i depise your ways

your lack in consideration

for you, it'll sure be okay

be what of me, from your actions?

i should've seen the signs

i should've seen it all

you really are one of that kind

who just wants me to fall

but you don't need to wait

before you're able to see

how i've changed my fate

to what i choose it to be

you're smiling now

you think i'm crushed

but you'll be wowed

by what you've lost!

you'd have nothing to gain

you would lose it all

that's when i'd call 'game'

when you'd finally fall

but i am not like you

i have a heart and conscience

i don't treat everyone like fools

that is why you'll see no vengeance

just 'live' your days out

the way you came in

confident and without

a care beneath your skin

you'll do just fine

or maybe you won't

either way i don't mind

what you do or don't

initiative. persistence. success.

A person can only be so patient. We can only wait for so long. It doesn't matter if you've set a date two weeks from now, if you plan to ignore them til the day, then that date may not even happen. A lot can happen in a short amount of time. If you become complacent... Then it's all over.

Don't waste time. Don't sit around waiting. Don't take what you get given. DO it all yourself! In the end it really only comes down to you, and you only. 

maybe it's better

to move away

from this weather

to a sunny day

rain may bring more fish

but shine bring more smiles

i just want to feel the bliss

of having something worthwhile

maybe i move too quickly

or maybe you're just too slow

but you must move swiftly

if you don't want me to go

a life is only blessed

with so much time

just stand up and confess

what's been on your mind

you may think i did wrong

but at least i'm not standing still

instead of being strung along

i stepped up and kept with my will

the song is telling us to dance

be a man, ask for the honour
if you don't cherish this obvious chance
we won't have a happily ever after

trust

There is a lot of people in the world that I could consider trusting. Yet there are only a few I actually trust. Some people might interpret this as having 'trust issues' but everyone is different. Different people require different levels of understanding, respect etc. 

I make many acquaintances but from those acquaintances, only a few will become my friends. That is because I want to give myself and everyone around me a chance... but in the end I want both parties to be happy. For some, if we are looking at relationships, I might not be an ideal girl for them because I think way too much about the long term, about the future. 


But I don't like change and because I know it is inevitable, I prepare myself, I make sure to not grow attached to things that aren't going to be around for very long.

And now that I have laid it all out... it all sounds like a defence mechanism... which only brings us back to the trust issues...

So there are two points to this story, one - I have trust issues and two - I have confrontation issues toward my issues...

every word i ever write

i think through clearly

to be sure they are always right

and come from the heart so dearly

in reverse, it is the same

i take every aspect to heart

i may sound like a pain

but this really isn't hard

you only need 

to speak what you mean

and then we will see

are you really what you seem

no one is perfect

and so we make mistakes

but when everything's taken affect

sometime's sorry is just too late

more thoughts...

"If a tree were to fall in the forest, and no one heard, does it make a sound?" - I say yes. Because if someone were to die in the middle of nowhere, reality is, they still died. If a heart 'breaks' and no one heard, it's still broken...


Leaving things until it's too late, is almost human nature. We hear the warnings, but we don't actually listen. One should know when to pay attention, when to take great care and when it is just simply too late. Should, but don't.

unknown ripples

in uncharted waters

not such an issue

until it gets closer

don't take for granted

anything while it's calm

just one little glance

and you'll be in alarm

changes can occur

within a few seconds

it becomes a blur

so pay some attention

don't abuse my kindness

while it's afloat on the surface

this can turn into quite a mess

if you don't take great grace

"No one wants to be alone..." most of the time. There are times where I just want to go somewhere no one can find me. A place where I can express all of the sorrow, I may have, without question. To just cry it all out... 

i want to seek

a patch of earth

where i could weep

away the pain at heart

if only these tears

can remain in the sea

i'll never have to hear

myself sorry and weak

but even if i bury it 

beneath six feet of soil

it will still exist

despite the toil

even if i wash it away

it'll come back again

just like the waves

a difference without change

defeat.

'Taking the road less travelled' is, of course, a risk. It's not the smoothest path, but there is a chance of a better end. In modern society, it is a norm that gender roles be played in reverse. Woman working equal with men, girls asking out guys, even proposing. A girl is still a girl though. 

Despite the changes of time, a girl still likes to be 'wined and dined'... They like to be treated well, special. I've taken a shot. I've tried something new. But I'm tired. I'm done.

we are so naive

to think we've a future

to actually believe

that life can be so sure

i hate myself for falling

i hate you for being here

i hate all this aching

i hate how nothing's clear

you cannot torture me more

yet you haven't a clue

what else can i do you for?

lower more of my value?

if you feel what you say

then act it out to me

be a man and convey

what you want us to be

i'm done with this chasing

i really, truely am

i don't see this continuing

we don't have a chance


we never think far ahead

until the water is at our feet

into our homes, schools, beds

all that's left to do is to accept defeat

good to know

What is it that scares the human race? What is it that is the most powerful tool and weapon of all? Knowledge. We are always frantic and scared when we lack knowledge and intelligence. Take the swine flu for example... it isn't as fatal as the normal flu, but because we knew so little about it, it scared us. 

Just like anyone's child, I have kept secrets from my mother. But that is one feeling I can live the rest of my life without. I need her to know everything that is going on in my life because she is seriously the best guidance counsellor in the world. She knows exactly what I should do and what I shouldn't. And it always turns out better for me when I do listen.

I've been telling her half the stories about a certain event. Because of that, I've been anxious and confused about what it is I am aiming for. Now that I've told her everything and heard the feedback, I feel much better and can kind of see the big picture.

Another scenario would be about taking a chance. I would take the chance if I could kind of see the other side. And when I find out the truth, ideal or not, it relieves me of the stress and frustration.


It's just simply good to know.

don't leave me in the dark

searching for a speck of light

not knowing how easy or hard

all the what if's, maybes and mights

searching with nothing

except my intuition

just give me something

to relieve the confusion

i'm scared more than ever now

i just simply don't know

where, what, when or how

what to do, where to go

air is failing to reach my lungs

my skin, drenched in liquid beads

 my head pounding like a drum

i can barely stand upon my feet

the art of friendship.

One of the life quotes I have thought of and live by is: "There's always someone out there worst off than yourself, so get over it!"

Life throws some painful punches. It can come from any direction; unexpectedly. But just because you didn't see it coming, doesn't mean you can't see it leave. There is no point in sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Distract yourself - it's not denial, it can be a way of showing yourself what else you have in the world, what you are moving on to.


The latest punch toward me has felt really slow and painful. It's stuck around for the past 12 days. Though someone has done an excellent job with distracting me, they aren't around 24/7. At some point I'd think about it and feel the pain.


The source of the punch might read this. And I only want to ask, why you couldn't you leave the good memories as they are? This may have been the closure you needed but it has ruined, for me, every good memory we've ever had. 


I feel like I've been deceived. Like I'm not good enough to be a friend. Once you're done with your feelings and packed it away - I'm gone too. And I must say I don't entirely believe what you've confessed. I felt guilty towards you at first, then furious, and now, just disappointed.


I thought our friendship was one of the most genuine. But I'm wrong. I seem to be wrong about a lot of things. Especially in this area. The art of friendship.

despite our past

despite our present, our future

i thought our friendship would last

but now i'm not so sure

you aren't the person

that i once befriended

the real you have risen

since you chose this end

if only you could've
let life run its course
then that would've
not been as worse


this is never 
the ideal way to end
but you've left no other
my once-so-called friend

Wishing you the best for your future endeavours.

smiles all round :)

I just found these two verses in one of my drafts from a while back but it fits how I felt a few nights ago. When I'm dancing with my friends or anyone, I get carried away by the songs and the people. I forget how breathless I am and just keep dancing. This describes something similar to that but on a different level. 

spinning on the dance floor

no thoughts of past, future or present

just i know that i won't fall

because i can feel your presence

as we cast adrift

either on plains or at sea

as long as our grasps fit

anywhere is where i'm meant to be

From my last post, I felt like I was back to square one, but in a way I was feeling... enlightened. Getting over things. Taking a breath of fresh air. Then it all went down a completely different way than I had expected. It may seem sad to have your emotions controlled by someone else's actions... But in this case I'm pretty happy with it. 

I must say though... I have to thank my dear friend Dilek and her meddling... 'speeding things up' as she puts it. And within these next few verses, you can pretty much picture how I'm feeling now.

the right words

are all you say

nothing is blurred

yet i am in a daze


i didn't want

my heart to race

but now i can't

get this smile to fade


i see the best in you
you bring out the best in me
with you, i never lose
it feels... 'meant to be'


i don't need to sleep

because i'm living a dream
never a reason to weep
only to smile, it seems :)